Why are people so bad at giving feedback?

The vast majority of Trainers’ Library customers renew their membership year after year after year. But of course, we do lose customers. This might be because of budget constraints, a restructure or a change in personnel. (More than 50% of our sales come from returning customers.) 

There might be other reasons too. Which is why we always ask for feedback. 

Sadly, this request is often ignored, even where, up to that point, the customer has been really engaged with the service.

And here’s another scenario that everyone who works in sales will be able to relate to: The customer who’s asked for a tour, or more information, has even told you they’ve gone for sign off - and then ghosts you. Too often you never know what that final hurdle they couldn’t cross was because, once again, you get no feedback. 

This lack of feedback frustrates me.

It frustrates me because the generosity of the many who do provide feedback has been key to the way Trainers’ Library has grown and developed over the last 20+ years.*  

It frustrates me because feedback is one of the most precious gifts we can give others that costs nothing. 

And it frustrates me because, well, you’d think that L&D professionals would be better equipped than most to give effective and constructive feedback.

Which got me thinking: If L&D professionals who spend a lot of time telling others about the importance of feedback are reluctant to give any themselves, how bad must the situation be elsewhere? And speaking to colleagues in many different industries; the answer appears to be ‘very bad indeed’. 

Of course, it’s not just in the customer/client relationship that feedback matters. It matters within organisations, teams and even friend groups. Feedback shines a light on those aspects of ourselves that we can’t always see, it lets us know what people value and helps us grow. 

So why are so many of us reluctant to give it?

The kneejerk response is ‘lack of time’. But I think that’s often an excuse we use to avoid confronting three more fundamental reasons for feedback avoidance:

1) Giving feedback feels like a difficult conversation, more easily avoided, particularly if we think our feedback might result in a negative reaction.

2) We lack the skills or the confidence to give feedback effectively.

3) We don’t like receiving feedback ourselves.

So, if feedback is important (and it is) what can we do to make feedback more common and more accessible? 

Perhaps the first thing we need to do is to recognise the value of feedback we’ve received. It can be tempting to focus on negative experiences of feedback – but think about those who have:

• Helped you recognise strengths.

• Shone a light on some aspect of your performance or behaviour you might not have seen before.

• Shared an idea that has given you confidence in your abilities, helped you develop skills, or enabled you to improve a product or service.  

If we can learn to acknowledge the real value in the feedback, perhaps we’ll be more willing to pass that gift on to others?

Secondly, we can develop our feedback skills. Knowing how to give feedback effectively helps us develop the confidence needed to help others. 

One of my favourite models for giving feedback is AID, which briefly stands for:

Action – What you did.

Impact – The impact that had.

Do – What I’d like you to continue to do or do differently.

It’s a model that works for both positive and negative feedback.

And finally, we need to be receptive to all feedback, regardless of the level of skill involved in its delivery. Here, the LACE model can be invaluable:

Listen (When we really listen, the person giving feedback is likely to relax, and feedback is more likely to be shared in a constructive way.)

Acknowledge (You don’t have to agree with another person’s perspective to acknowledge it.)

Clarify (Checking understanding helps to avoid bias, assumptions and prejudice.)

Explain (Letting people know how you will use their feedback illustrates the value you attach to it.)

And, as you’d expect, there’s tonnes of material in Trainers’ Library to help you develop feedback skills within the organisations you work with. You’ll find some here. 

*There are too many customers, past and present to thank here, but please know that you are all very much appreciated. 

Until next time...